Hello.
There was a break and I thought I was actually going to get bullied this time but I wasn't targeted. Not everyone had friends on the first day (I'm not necessarily glad about that but I felt I was the only one?). Also, people seem to mind their own business in college.
Day 2:
We had a sheet of paper where traits and stuff were written and we had to ask people around the class if they had any.
Day 3:
So I went to school and it turned out, nobody cared about how I dressed. Or at least nobody said anything about it near me.
Maybe they have laptops... maybe they're not lazy.
So if you didn't know... I've started college this week. And I was seriously nervous about it.
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Whether it went good or bad... you'll see.
Day 1:
I was nervous. I wear skirts. All the time. What if people judge me? What if they insult me?
So I went to college. I went early but the class was fairly full. It felt like everyone was scowling at me at first when I stepped inside but as I sat down, I was relieved that everyone who was chatting paid no attention to me. However, I was sure that some girls were whispering about me but I know the bullying (Secondary school) has affected me to the point where I feel that people are whispering about me whenever I leave my house.
I still have to do Irish, unfortunately.
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| Ahhhhh |
There was a break and I thought I was actually going to get bullied this time but I wasn't targeted. Not everyone had friends on the first day (I'm not necessarily glad about that but I felt I was the only one?). Also, people seem to mind their own business in college.
After Irish was Spanish and it seems grand because since most people are beginners, we are learning basic Spanish. So I'm not going to be behind!
"Grace, you shouldn't be glad about this because you've been learning Spanish for 5+ years you Pineapple head!"
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^ A real conversation between me and my imaginary adversaries.
And after Spanish I closed from school pretty early. Yay! Though when a saw a large group of people coming to college in my direction I attempted to take another route but ended up missing the earliest bus.
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| Why, anxiety, why?! |
Day 2:
The day started with Communications and one of the first things the teacher told us to do was
"Get up and start talking to people."
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| Me except... I wasn't saying it out loud of course... |
*breathes in and out*
Thankfully, it wasn't bad and I said stuff when I needed to. One of the things written on the paper was:
'Would actually not like to win the lotto'
I pointed to that bit on the paper and people were like, "Of course nobody wouldn't like to win the lotto, you'd have to be crazy- wait, WHAT?!"
They didn't say the last part out loud but I knew they were saying it in their heads! I know they were! *shakes fist*
I never actually explained why but here's one of my reasons:
What if your neighbours found out and they all tried to rob you?
Near the end of the day, it seemed like everyone had friends.ON THE SECOND DAY HOW.
Don't you scowl at your screen. You know I'm right. Deep down inside. You shouldn't trust no-one but you can't trust everyone either.
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Near the end of the day, it seemed like everyone had friends.
And I felt terrible and tired and upset, partly because I was behind on Word Processing. I felt so alone at the end of the day and felt like crying when I came back home. However, I kept it all in for once and listened to some healing music.
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Day 3:
I was nervous again. I was frantic about picking what to wear and ended up wearing a pink sweater/sweatshirt and a beige skirt. When I left the house, I realised that I probably looked about 5 and I missed the earlier bus! When I saw someone enter the bus, I actually heard someone say, "State of her skirt." I was therefore very discouraged and had terrible thoughts while I was on the bus to school. I even felt like skipping school. On the first week!
However, I went to school, thinking that this was the last day of the week and if anything bad happened, then I would see what would happen next.
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I have to do Political Studies and we had a quiz. My team didn't win.
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| Yeah yeah yeah |
After school, I felt happier, lighter, brighter. I could wear what I want, walk home by myself and not get judged.
College really is different from Secondary school. I told this to my older brother who agreed with me. He told me that in Secondary school, most people try to conform to the 'norms' but in college, it's about being unique. In Secondary school, you would be called a loner for walking around by yourself but in college no one gives a care.
And I love that!
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Yup yup. I wrote a post yesterday and now I'm writing one today.
I'M ON FIIIIIRE Ha, as if
To be honest, I have no idea if I'll be posting on the weekend nows. Maybe I'll get a ton of assignments and I want to keep on top of things now that I'm in college.
This was basically a catch-up-with-blogs-day. I have no idea how people can blog so frequently. I thought school was on?
I want to use the college time I have for the better. I'll try to write my story during breaks. And read a bit more. I'll try to get a laptop this month or next month because quite honestly, I hate sharing a computer >.<
PS: I'd be lying if I said my eyes didn't see some bad things while searching for things on Giphy. Seriously, viewer discretion is advised.
